Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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