Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
