Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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