What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Operation Purity has been aborted
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
