BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
