I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
