so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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