I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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