You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
