I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
