So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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