Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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