so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
