just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
