When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
