I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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