So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
