just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
