My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
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I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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