my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
