the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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