My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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