dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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