I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
