His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
