I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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