I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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