Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
