You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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