I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I am spending my child support on dildos
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
