I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh god it's open bar.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
