I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
