hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
