We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
