Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
