Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
