I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
