thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
