i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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