i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
