We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
