Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
