I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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