I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize