maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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