When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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