White coat. Heels.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
