There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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