Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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