thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize