I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
