So drunk its hurt
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
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