we have pet lesbian snakes
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
