I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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