just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
