Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
