Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize