She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I am available for nakedness
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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