id be glad to
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
