Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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