He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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