i don't like sucking hair
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
