Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
All the doctor said was why
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
